It's Chrissy, Bitches!

Disclaimer: To get the full effect of the title, you must say it out loud in your best Britney-synthesized voice.

HOLLA! Wut, up!? It's Chrissy Sullivan here. I've been asked to share my hard working experiences as an aspiring socialite with you. And since I don't have any, I'd rather talk about myself....THE Chrissy Sullivan. A socialite in the making.
It started back in 2001. I was taking care of an elderly women, she was a retired Judge, but lived a glamorous life before that. She was a make-up artist for MGM and palled around with the rich and famous, like Harry Winkler and Mr. Spelling. (She even commented on Tori's plastic surgery and how her mother told her that she would be prettier once having it done- but in her opinion, nothing could help Tori. Mind you this was in 2001- years before Tori admitted in her 2009 book that her mother told her to get a nose job. ) Hearing stories of fabulous dinner parties and the rich and famous put the wheels in motion. I became obsessed with E! True Hollywood story. I watched them with my Hollywood connection as she told me insider stories to the celebs she once knew. This is where, I believe, my inner Chrissy was born. Only I didn't know it. After my Hollywood connection passed away, I later became intrigued by what the whole E! network could offer me. Their own insider scoop to the now "it" girls. The Socialites. It was my guide to my life long dream..........a table dancing, club hopping, britney flashing, train wreckage Socialite. I have been through many phases, like wanting to be a stripper, but this dream-this FANTASTIC dream- has proven to be the best one yet. This right here, this dream, it's going to take me places. Like the red carpet, Jersey (more on this meant- to- be town), The REAL OC, and if it doesn't, I can always go to Aspen. (Of course that's a last resort, resort nonetheless).
In 2004, this dream really started to come together. I decided it had been long enough I, Chrissy, really needed to get myself out there. I really needed to let the world know who Chrissy was and the table dancing talents I have. I devised a plan. A 5 year plan. I decided I would give my self 5 years to get to where I needed to be for the greater good of my family's well being. Ultimately, the goal is to not work while still raking in the dough just by being famous.
Once I'm making thousands from my guest appearances, the family will thank me later for being away so much. So this 5 year plan was put into motion.......sort of. I haven't been able to get everyone on board. Still, like a true star waiting to be discoverd, I have never given up on my hopes and dreams. I WILL! be the next "it"!

Step 1: Go to rehab. I don't really need to be an addict. We're all supposed to be sober there anyways. I figure, there is a great celebrity rehab 30 minutes (litterally 30 minute drive) from my house. I'll only be there for 30 days. My cowboy magician can bring the girls to visit anytime they want. It'll be fine.

Step 2: Find a celebrity friend. I'm crossing my fingers Lindsey Lohan doesn't go to rehab again until the cowboy magician is fully on board (he's yet to agree to drop me off)- I've got to time this just right. I can be a really good friend to her because I "get" her and the purpose for her leggings. I really do. We'll be great friends and soon leave rehab, and we'll stay friends. Then she'll invite me to a red carpet event. (OMG! I can't wait for this, I can hardly type it out, I'm so excited to go!)

Step 3: Get noticed. As I arrive to the red carpet event, I will look stunning because I've kicked my "addiction", developed an eating disorder, and have started using self tanner. I'm the new girl with Lindsay. We're not dating, we're friends. Rehab friends. And it doesn't have to be Lindsay, it can be (insert rehab celeb here). I will be a hit at the after party, because I really am good at dancing on tables AND I have rhythm. I! am the new it girl.

Step 4: Get invited to red carpet event as Chrissy, not as Lindsays new friend. By now I've made a name for myself. It's been a sacrafice on my family and myself so far. I've been in Hollywood trying to get to where I'm at. But FINALLY! I've made it. I've tumbled down stairs, I've said embarrassing comments to TMZ. I've been photographed getting coffee and stepping out of cars-oopsie! It's been rough, to say the least, but I'm getting $100K every time I make an appearance. Now the cowboy magician can quit his job. See?! Only 4 simple steps and we both might never have to work again.
I figure if I get invited to 3-4 parties a year (easy!) at 100K a pop, I will have paid for rehab, our house, my drug dealers. And it's only 4 times a year at best. It's all about sacrafice. Not one bit of it is for me. The plastic surgery........not for me. The boyfriends and sex scandals..........not for me. I don't want to do it, I have to. It's all part of the plan that one day we wont have to work.

Step 5: Get assistants, gay ones. I beleive that once I've built this empire around Chrissy, I will need to get my signature fragrance on the market.........Chrissy Sullivan. Doesn't it just sound tastey?! And since the goal is to NOT work, I'm going to need some gays to do the work for me. I will also need some in a closet,(gays that is), for when I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed from all the work I'm not doing. I plan to keep them in the closet, when I need a little pick-me-up, I will open the door to said closet and all the gays will yell and tell me how wonderful I am. Like a littel pep rally. I love my gays. I really couldn't do it with out them.

So there it is, 5 easy steps to becoming a socialite. I think of myself as an entruprenuer. I'm always thinking. I'm thinking ways to keep the socialite status going (stationary with smeared lipstick kisses for the younger generation will sale like hot cakes). This plan is on -going and ever changing and adding. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to be an aspiring socialite. This is it. It's Chrissy, bitch!